It's so hard to cry for the self-pitying Lindsay Lohan, who was born with such talent and beauty.
You might wish it was her mother, Dina, who will be locked up in a California cell July 20.
After all, it was Dina who put Lindsay to work at age 3. Who had her do 100 commercials by 10. Who sent her to the Disney freak factory - which also gave us the tragic Britney Spears - to make "The Parent Trap" at age 11.
Such an ironic title, no?
At her height, Linds was making about $10 million a year and keeping her mother - or is it manager? - in Louboutins.
Now Dina has been reduced to mooching Fudgie the Whale ice cream cakes with her kid's celebrity Carvel club.
And Lindsay is looking at 90 days of jailhouse slop.
And even though she may have been saddled with parents from purgatory, Lindsay should drop the "poor me" act. In reality, she's one lucky gal.
Lucky she didn't kill someone while driving drunk.
Lucky to be busted in Los Angeles, where she was let go after her first DUI arrest in 2007 - only to do it again two months later.
Lucky because when she was busted in May of that year, carrying cocaine, she didn't have enough for a felony charge.
Lucky that when she was arrested again in July, the arresting officer threw away the powder, concealed in a Clinique Sun Care card, thinking it was a crushed mint.
Lindsay did admit to being under the influence of cocaine and alcohol and she was lucky again - serving just 84 minutes in jail for hijacking an SUV and chasing down the middle-age mother of her assistant.
She could have said, "Whew, I can't believe the cop just threw away the coke! Wow, I was in the hoosegow less than the running time of 'Freaky Friday.' ... Thank you, fate, I'll get my act together."
Instead, she just kept feeling sorry for herself. After all, it's Lindsay's drama, and we all just live in it.
In court on Tuesday - as she faced a judge fed up with missed counseling sessions, blown court dates and an alarm that went off on her booze-detecting bracelet - Lindsay had one final chance to show she knows how lucky she's been.
But what did she do? She blamed everyone but herself. And then she literally gave the court the finger, with the message "F--- U" etched on her center fingernail.
Judge Marsha Revel couldn't see the nail, but she didn't need to. She saw through Lindsay's tears and let her know that her luck had finally run out.
So now Linds is going to have a lot of time - three months - on her profanity-free hands. I recommend she does a little reading.
First, "Will There Really Be a Morning?" the autobiography of actress Frances Farmer, who was also used by her own mother. She was rebellious, but not because she couldn't get bottle service fast enough.
Then she should absorb "The Glass Castle," by Jeannette Walls, who grew up eating other children's lunches out of the school trash, sleeping on blankets in the desert, being taken to bars by her dad at 12, and given nothing but constellations for Christmas - but never caterwauled.
If there's Internet access in jail, Ms. Lohan may want to check out the Web site of Army Spec. Brendan Marrocco, the 23-year-old New York soldier who lost both his arms and his legs in Iraq yet says he feels "fortunate."
That, Lindsay, is another word for lucky.
jmolloy@nydailynews.com
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/
You might wish it was her mother, Dina, who will be locked up in a California cell July 20.
After all, it was Dina who put Lindsay to work at age 3. Who had her do 100 commercials by 10. Who sent her to the Disney freak factory - which also gave us the tragic Britney Spears - to make "The Parent Trap" at age 11.
Such an ironic title, no?
At her height, Linds was making about $10 million a year and keeping her mother - or is it manager? - in Louboutins.
Now Dina has been reduced to mooching Fudgie the Whale ice cream cakes with her kid's celebrity Carvel club.
And Lindsay is looking at 90 days of jailhouse slop.
And even though she may have been saddled with parents from purgatory, Lindsay should drop the "poor me" act. In reality, she's one lucky gal.
Lucky she didn't kill someone while driving drunk.
Lucky to be busted in Los Angeles, where she was let go after her first DUI arrest in 2007 - only to do it again two months later.
Lucky because when she was busted in May of that year, carrying cocaine, she didn't have enough for a felony charge.
Lucky that when she was arrested again in July, the arresting officer threw away the powder, concealed in a Clinique Sun Care card, thinking it was a crushed mint.
Lindsay did admit to being under the influence of cocaine and alcohol and she was lucky again - serving just 84 minutes in jail for hijacking an SUV and chasing down the middle-age mother of her assistant.
She could have said, "Whew, I can't believe the cop just threw away the coke! Wow, I was in the hoosegow less than the running time of 'Freaky Friday.' ... Thank you, fate, I'll get my act together."
Instead, she just kept feeling sorry for herself. After all, it's Lindsay's drama, and we all just live in it.
In court on Tuesday - as she faced a judge fed up with missed counseling sessions, blown court dates and an alarm that went off on her booze-detecting bracelet - Lindsay had one final chance to show she knows how lucky she's been.
But what did she do? She blamed everyone but herself. And then she literally gave the court the finger, with the message "F--- U" etched on her center fingernail.
Judge Marsha Revel couldn't see the nail, but she didn't need to. She saw through Lindsay's tears and let her know that her luck had finally run out.
So now Linds is going to have a lot of time - three months - on her profanity-free hands. I recommend she does a little reading.
First, "Will There Really Be a Morning?" the autobiography of actress Frances Farmer, who was also used by her own mother. She was rebellious, but not because she couldn't get bottle service fast enough.
Then she should absorb "The Glass Castle," by Jeannette Walls, who grew up eating other children's lunches out of the school trash, sleeping on blankets in the desert, being taken to bars by her dad at 12, and given nothing but constellations for Christmas - but never caterwauled.
If there's Internet access in jail, Ms. Lohan may want to check out the Web site of Army Spec. Brendan Marrocco, the 23-year-old New York soldier who lost both his arms and his legs in Iraq yet says he feels "fortunate."
That, Lindsay, is another word for lucky.
jmolloy@nydailynews.com
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/
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